Rude Cards & Offensive Birthday Cards

Some may say they’re offensive, but if you’re up for rude birthday cards, we think we have many of the best birthday cards you’ll find. Also don't forget that other C word, we have plenty of festive filth over in our rude Christmas card selection!

A birthday card with a retro picture of an a bored looking girl looking into the middle distance

Another year of dealing Card

£2.95 (DMA 520)

A black Birthday card with a picture of William Shakespeare with a white border at the top

Some are born great Shakespeare Card

£2.95 (RAN 87)

A funny birthday card with retro picture of a young girl with a sundae

Today Is All About You Girl Card

£2.95 (DMA 409)

A birthday card with a picture of a smiling group of senior citizens in the sun. White text above them reads You know you're old when all your friends smell of piss

You know you're old Card

£2.95 (DMA 489)

A rude greeting card with a lovely picture of a big pink rosebud

To a Special C**t Card

£2.95 (DMA 283)

A birthday card with a 1960s photo of a smiling businessman leaning on his briefcase

Magnificent Bastard Card

£2.95 (DMA 455)

A birthday card with with a very moody looking cat sat spreadeagled on a sofa

See This Cat. It Doesn't Give A Fuck About Your Card

Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again? Card

£2.95 (DMU 46)

I've Spotted Some Cock Card

£2.95 (DMU 180)

A birthday card with a retro of two child twins in identical red dresses running out of their suburban house

Let's go fuck some shit up Card

£2.95 (DMA 503)

A birthday card with a smartly dressed businessman looking at the camera

Sold Out

Happy Birthday You Big Cunt Card

£2.95

A Christmas card with a 1970s festive scene of a decorated lounge

To a Special Cunt this Card

£2.95 (DMX 01)

A funny birthday card featuring a retro image of a stylish 1960s young woman holding a cocktail glass to her face. She's saying I'm up to my tits in gin

Sold Out

Up to my tits in gin Card

£2.95

A birthday card with a retro picture of four young children celebrating with streamers, confetti and party horns

Happy birthday dickhead Card

£2.95 (DMU 216)

A greeting card with a retro picture of a red jacketed barman with a cocktail shaker

Shut Up Liver You're Fine Card

£2.95 (DMA 339)

A greeting card with a glamorous looking woman in a orange dress

Too Fabulous To Give a Fuck Card

£2.95 (DMA 399)

A birthday card with a smiling young man in a 1970s white tuxedo

Even Wankers Card

£2.95 (DMA 397)

A Christmas Card with a picture of a smiling dog and miserable cat

Difference between dogs and cats Card

£2.95 (DMX 300)

A funny rude birthday card featuring an ecstatic woman looking upwards at text that reads And so begins another glorious year of not giving a single fuck

And begins another year Card

£2.95 (DMA 552)

A Christmas card with a jolly red Santa Claus against a blue background with snowflakes.

Season of Goodwill Card

£2.95 (DMX 22)

A Christmas card with a staged photo of Joseph and Mary cradling baby Jesus in a stable

Shit Himself Again Card

£2.95 (DMX 280)

A greeting card with a picture of an intense looking business man with big glasses

Grown Into A Great Man Card

£2.95 (DMA 435)

A greeting card with a colourful picture of five cats lying on a red floor against a blue background

Swearing cats Card

£2.95 (DMU 241)

A funny and rude text based birthday card featuring the word wankybollocks

Happy wankybollocks Card

£2.95 (POP 05)

A birthday card with a 1960s picture of a miserable looking old man in a suit

Shit Myself With Excitement Card

£2.95 (DMA 355)

A Christmas card with a retro photo of Father Christmas holding a big sack of toys

Sucking Santa Card

£2.95 (DMX 20)

A Christmas card with a retro picture of Father Christmas partially obscured by the text Merry fucking cunty bollocks

Merry Fucking Cunty Bollocks Card

£2.95 (DMX 12)

Word search Card

£2.95 (RAN 67)

A birthday card with a 1960's smiling man holding up a sign that says When people say I'm rude I simply tell the cunts to go fuck themselves

When people say I'm rude Card

£2.95 (DMA 474)

A Christmas card with a retro picture of a female elf with a long list looking to camera

You're On The Cunt List Card

£2.95 (DMX 06)

Hope Your Birthday isn't Shit Card

£2.95 (GUM 10)

You're a Rude, Sarcastic, Evil Bitch Cards

£2.95 (DMU 121)

A Christmas card with a 1960s picture of a smiling couple holding christmas presents

It's beginning to look a lot like fuck this Card

Available from 1st October

Fuck You Cat Card

£1.00 £2.95 (DMA 319)

A greeting card with a 1960s picture of a news reader at in the studio at a desk

Newsflash! You're Old As Fuck Card

I try not to swear Card

£2.95 (RAN 122)

Sold Out

Have a Fucking Happy Fucking Birthday You Fucker Card

£2.95

A deep red birthday card with black text in a white box at the top that reads May your birthday be blissfully free of

Blissfully free of Card

£2.95 (RAN 119)

A greeting card with a picture of lots of cats all on top of each other

8 out of 10 Cats Card

Shittest card you'll get Card

£2.95 (RAN 118)

A Christmas card with a picture of a smiling chef wearing a big white chefs hat

I've Jizzed In Your Mince Pies Cards

Available from 1st October

Fuckface! Card

£1.00 £2.95 (DMA 420)

A Christmas card with a retro picture of Santa Claus sitting down with his arms behind his head

Santa's Coming Card

£2.95 (DMX 189)

A Christmas card with a 1960s picture of Father Christmas sitting at his desk

Too Much Wanking Card

£2.95 (DMX 137)

A birthday card with a retro picture of a smiling woman eating a sundae

You've Finally Reached That Age Card

£2.95 (DMA 434)

A birthday card featuring a picture of a sarcastic looking woman in a lime green dress

Rancid Old Queen Card

£2.95 (DMA 353)

A Christmas card with a picture of a smiling Santa Claus pointing to camera

Magnificent bastard Card

£2.95 (DMX 325)

A funny birthday card with a picture of a happy dog and rude cat

Difference Between Dogs and Cats Card

£2.95 (DMA 433)

A funny birthday card featuring a 1960s photo of a smiling blond haired man looking to camera against a red background. Bold white text above and beside him reads Happy Birthday to a total legend. sorry, I meant bellend

Happy birthday to a total legend Card

£2.95 (DMA 568)

A greeting card with a young adult male in a stripy shirt smiling at the camera

You're Also A Cunt Card

£2.95 (DMA 382)

A Christmas card designed to look like a vintage paperback featuring an illustration of Father Christmas sitting atop a chimney

Santa take a shit Card

£2.95 (RAN 148)

A birthday card with the title What's your Birthday name?

Birthday name Card

£2.95 (RAN 73)

You Vile Old Bitch Card

£2.95 (DMU 133)

A Christmas card with a retro picture of a smiling woman looking into the distance dressed as a festive elf

That look you give Card

£2.95 (DMX 311)

A greeting card with a 1960s picture of a man looking at a pint of beer

Save 66%

Available from 1st October

Beer I Love You! Card

£1.00 £2.95 (DMA 240)

A very rude birthday card featuring a smart looking couple looking directly to camera. A red banner with white text above them reads Oh look, a cunt

Santa Thinks You're a Cunt Card

£2.95 (DMX 03)

Favourite swear word Card

£2.95 (RAN 49)

A birthday card with retro picture of a smiling elderly couple looking into the distance

Socially acceptable Card

£2.95 (DMA 471)

A birthday card with a smiling cabin crew holding a tray of champagne

Happy Birthday. Now Fuck Off Back To Economy Card

Age is Just a Number Card

£2.95 (GUM 07)

Available from 1st October

Bubbles Card Pack of 10 Multipack

£12.50 (MUL 12)

A Christmas card with a retro picture of four young carol singers. They are collectively saying Merry Christmas dickhead

Merry Christmas dickhead Card

£2.95 (DMX 329)

A funny and rude greeting card with a close up of a smiling ginger haired woman with a bright pink top and bold blue eyeliner looking to camera. White slanted text next to her reads The problem with some people is they're cunts

The problem with some people Card

£2.95 (DMA 577)

A jet black card with the words ‘Congratulations I heard it was world fuckwit day #worldfuckwitday’ in capitalised, chunky pink, white and blue font.

Save 66%

Available from 1st October

World Fuckwit Day Card

£1.00 £2.95 (BOC 08)

A Christmas card with a retro picture of Father Christmas reading his list against a red background. He repeatedly says You're a cunt

You're a cunt list Card

£2.95 (DMX 345)

A birthday card with a vintage style picture of a woman looking at a greetings card in a shop

Finally A Card That Doesn't Have Card

£2.95 (DMU 44)

A funny rude birthday card with a flowery patter on a yellow background. Black formal text in a white circle at the front reads Here's your annual reminder that you're fucking ancient

Your annual reminder Card

See This Cat. It Doesn't Give A Fuck About Your Card

£2.95 (DMX 213)

A birthday card with a photo of an aloof looking white cat against a red background

Birthday Cat Says Card

£2.95 (DMA 362)

A birthday card with a 1960s picture of a man in a dinner jacket standing up looking at camera

One Year Older and Still a Dick Card

£2.95 (DMA 273)

A birthday card with a 1960s picture of a smiling male patient in an hospital bed

Shit The Bed! Card

£2.95 (DMA 384)

A funny birthday card featuring a retro picture of a smiling woman posing in red and blue spandex gear. White slanted text which sits in front and behind her reads Happy Birthday bitch

Happy birthday bitch Card

£2.95 (DMA 558)

A funny birthday card with a 1960's photo of a smiling young male doctor with white text above and beside him that reads I have your diagnosis you're a twat

I have your diagnosis Card

£2.95 (DMA 560)

A simple orange birthday card with rounded capitalised pink text in the middle that reads Take no shit and give no fucks

Take no shit Card

£2.95 (RAN 103)

I Love You You Big Cunt

£2.95 (DMA 374)

A greeting card with a with a picture of a 1950s housewife holding a chocolate cake

Fuck Quinoa! I Have Cake Card

£2.95 (DMA 247)

Available from 1st October

Santa Christmas Pack of 10 Multipack

£12.50 (MUL 26)

A Christmas card with a 1960s picture of a precocious young girl holding a doll

All About You Card

£2.95 (DMX 291)

A bold pink greeting card, with the words Good luck! And don’t fuck it up

Good Luck And Don't Fuck It Up Card

£2.95 (DSS 80)

A Christmas card with a retro picture of Father Christmas sitting down writing with a quill pen

Merry Cunting Card

£2.95 (DMX 07)

A funny rude birthday card with a retro photo of a smiling man looking to camera against an orange background. Big white text above him reads Happy birthday wank face

Happy Birthday Wank Face Card

£2.95 (DMA 554)

A Christmas card asking what your elf name is

Elf Name Card

£2.95 (RAN 45)

Pissed yourself yet Card

£2.95 (DMU 207)

A birthday card featuring a 1950s illustration of an excited man arms raised in just his vest and pants. Standing in front of a rainbow starburst he is overlaid with rounded white text that reads Holy fuck! Woke up extra gay today!

Woke up extra gay today Card

£2.95 (RAN 146)

A plain red birthday card with black text in a white box that reads Sorry I'm too busy to give a fuck about your birthday but social etiquette requires me to give you a card

Sorry I'm too busy Card

£2.95 (RAN 143)

A bold black Christmas card featuring simple white, red and green text in the middle that reads I never knew they made Christmas cards especially for stupid cunts

Especially for stupid cunts Card

£2.95 (RAN 108)

A Christmas card featuring a retro picture of a smiling precocious ginger haired child holding a large Christmas present

You little shit Card

£2.95 (DMX 336)

A birthday card with a retro picture of two businessmen looking at the camera

Happy Birthday You Massive Cockwomble Card

£2.95 (DMA 274)

Available from 1st October

Offensive Card Pack of 10 Multipack

£12.50 (MUL 19)

A greeting card with a funny picture of a man in a 1990s shell suit

You're A Twat Card

£2.95 (DMA 325)

A funny birthday card with vintage photo of a glamorous woman walking towards the camera. Text in front of her reads Queen of the fucking universe

Queen of the fucking universe Card

£2.95 (DMA 566)

A birthday card with a 1960s picture of a smiling woman in a blue sweater talking on the phone. She is saying Hello, yes... I couldn't give a fuck. Bye!

I couldn't give a fuck Card

£2.95 (DMU 246)

A black birthday card with pastel multicoloured spots surrounding bold slanted white text that reads Shove this card up your arse

Shove this card up your arse Card

£2.95 (RAN 140)

I've Wanked Off In This Card Card

£2.95 (GUM 33)

A Christmas Card with a picture of Father Christmas pointing to camera

Save 66%

Available from 1st October

Unnecessarily offensive Santa Card

£1.00 £2.95 (DMX 298)

A blue birthday card with repeated text saying I really couldn't give a fuck it's your birthday of various different sizes

Save 83%

Available from 1st October

How many can you see Card

£0.50 £2.95 (RAN 91)

Available from 1st October

Cheeky Cards Pack of 10 Multipack

£12.50 (MUL 02)

Happy Birthday You Old Fucker Card

£2.95 (DMU 61)

A birthday card with a 1980s style colour photograph of a smiling young lady

Save 66%

Available from 1st October

Go Green! Fuck A Vegetarian Card

£1.00 £2.95 (DMA 60)

A Christmas card with a retro picture of smiling Santa Claus holding a scroll that reads Not you dickhead. Above him white text reads Merry Christmas everyone!

Not you dickhead Card

£2.95 (DMX 312)

A dark red Christmas card with just the words Merry Christmas you Nosey Cunt written in very small white capital letters in the middle

Nosey Cunt Card

£2.95 (RAN 79)

A black Christmas card with bold slanted white text that reads Show this Christmas card up your arse surrounded by white, red and green dots

Shove this Christmas card up your arse Card

£2.95 (RAN 151)

A black birthday card with bold pastel multicoloured text that reads Happy birthday dickhead

Dickhead Card

£2.95 (RAN 121)

A simple funny dark blue birthday card with white, yellow, blue and pink text that reads No one tells you that once you reach this age you'll ache all the fucking time

Ache all the time Card

£2.95 (RAN 161)

A Christmas card with a picture of a teenager dressed in a white 1970s prom tuxedo

Even Wankers Deserve A Card

£2.95 (DMX 292)

A funny retro birthday card featuring a serious looking man in a grey blue suit pointing to the side. White rounded text above him reads People say this birthday card is rude. He's pointing to text that reads I say shit bollocks fuck wank arse

People say this card is rude Card

£2.95 (DMA 570)

A funny birthday card with a 1960's photo of two young women talking closely to each other. One asks Whose birthday is it? to which the other replies Fuck knows I'm wasted

Whose birthday is it Card

£2.95 (DMU 256)

A plain dark blue birthday card with white, blue, yellow and pink simple text that reads I bet out of all the bastard birthday cards you get today you big tosser that this one is the fucking rudest

Fucking rudest birthday Card

£2.95 (RAN 157)

A mothers day card with a 1990s picture of a daughter hugging her mother on a park bench

Lovely nursing home Mothers Day Card

Available from 1st October

Wanking In A Winter Wonderland Card

£1.00 £2.95 (DSX 12)

A rude Christmas Card with a picture of a jolly Father Christmas

Save 66%

Available from 1st October

Another shitty year Card

£1.00 £2.95 (DMX 306)

Little Shit Boy Mothers Day Card

£2.95 (DMA 387)

Available from 1st October

Offensive Everyday Card Pack of 10 Multipack

£12.50 (MUL 22)

A greeting card with a 1960s picture of a seated old man pointing at a line graph

Save 66%

Available from 1st October

You're A Twat Card

£1.00 £2.95 (DMA 352)

A funny and rude birthday card with a picture of a puffin in mid flight looking to camera. Rounded bold yellow text above and below reads Happy birthday wank puffin

Happy birthday wank puffin Card

£2.95 (DMA 569)

A light pink Christmas card with random red, pink, white and green spots surrounding red and green text that reads Have a nice jolly festive fuck you

Jolly festive fuck you Card

Hope Your Xmas Isn't Shit Card

£2.95 (RAN 38)

A birthday card with a retro picture of a sweet looking little girl holding a bunch of flowers

From your little shit girl Card

£2.95 (DMA 491)

A Funny Fathers Day card with a retro picture of a charming young girl

Little Shit Girl Card

£2.95 (DMA 390)

A black Valentines card with red and white text that reads My cock Your arse. Who says romance is dead?

My cock your arse Valentine's Day Card

£2.95 (DMV 150)

A funny Father's Day card with a retro picture of a smiling father and son both looking to camera. White and dark blue rounded text above and next to them reads Like father like son. That's right, I'm a dick too

Like father like son Card

£2.95 (DMA 544)

A circular pink patterned birthday card with 70's style blue font that reads Oh my fuck you're so old

You're so old Card

£2.95 (RAN 116)

A Christmas card featuring a 1960s picture of Santa Claus looking exasperated against a blue background. Bold white text above reads Merry whatever arsehole

Merry whatever arsehole Card

Available from 1st October

You Shit Rainbows Card

£1.00 £2.95 (DME 57)

A dark blue birthday card with simple white, yellow, pink and blue text that reads Remember when you could easily knock out four wanks in a day?

Kock out four wanks Card

£2.95 (RAN 171)

A greeting card with a retro picture of a sickly sweet girl lying down in a field of flowers looking up and smiling

Not going to give another fuck Card

£2.95 (DMA 533)

Festive fuckwit December Card

£2.95 (RAN 66)

A birthday card with a retro photo of a young girl being presented a birthday cake by both her parents

You little shit Card

£2.95 (DMA 454)

A black Valentines card with white and pink text that reads I fucking love you and i love fucking you

I fucking love you Valentine's Day Card

£2.95 (DMV 148)

A birthday card with a retro picture of a sweet looking little boy holding an ice cream cone

From your little shit boy Card

£2.95 (DMA 492)

A simple white birthday card featuring bold black text in the middle that reads Fuck all inside this card

Fuck all inside Card

£2.95 (RAN 102)

A sunny yellow birthday card with the words Happy birthday wanker in capitalised purple, blue and white chunky font

Happy Birthday Wanker Card

£2.95 (DSS 28)

A light blue birthday card with plain black text and tickboxes that reads The sender / recipient of this card has a / is a massive dick

Massive dick Card

£2.95 (RAN 120)

A bold black birthday card featuring simple white, yellow, blue and pink text in the middle that reads I never knew they made birthday cards especially for stupid cunts

Especially for stupid cunts Card

£2.95 (RAN 106)

A funny text based birthday card about doing a big poo

I've done a big poo Card

£2.95 (POP 14)

A greeting card with a picture of a 1960s woman blowing a streamer surrounded by balloons

Save 66%

Available from 1st October

Let's Celebrate Another Day Without Wankers Card

£1.00 £2.95 (DMA 411)

A white greeting card with rounded alternating black and red text surrounded by cute little multicoloured penises

To you and your Card

£2.95 (RAN 76)

I could shit rainbows funny Valentines Card

£2.95 (DMV 127)

A jet black card with the words ‘Fuck bollocks wank arsehole shit bastard knob tosser’ in capitalised rainbow font.

Fuck Bollocks Wank Arsehole Shit Baster Knob Tosser Card

£2.95 (DMR 01)

Little Shit Girl Mothers Day Card

£2.95 (DMA 386)

A bright rainbow coloured birthday card with bold white shadowed text that reads Here's to another year ofbeing fucking fabulous!

Sold Out

Another year of being fabulous Card

£2.95

Even Wankers Valentines Card

Merry Christmas Wanker Rude

£2.95 (DMX 04)

A birthday card featuring a 1960's picture of two men in yellow and brown sweaters looking into the distance

Please don't be a twat Card

£2.95 (DMU 237)

A funny retro Valentine's Day card with a man and woman both looking to camera against a red background. He asks What's for Dinner? to which she replies A Blowjob

What's for dinner Card

£2.95 (DMU 264)

A Plain red Christmas card with a black, green and red text in a white box that reads Sorry I'm far too much of a Scrooge to give a fuck about Christmas but social etiquette requires me to give you a card

Too much a Scrooge Card

£2.95 (RAN 149)

A plain white Christmas card with bold black, red and green text that reads Shit Christmas card perfect for an annoying sister

Annoying sister Shit Card

Available from 1st October

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year To Get Shitfaced Card

£1.00 £2.95 (DXG 12)

A birthday card with 1960s picture of a smiling older man with a white box above him

The older I get Card

£2.95 (DMA 472)

A birthday card with a 1960s picture of smiling young boy sitting in front of a birthday cake

Today is all about you Boy Card

£2.95 (DMA 587)

A Fathers Day card with text reading Dads you're fucking fantastic

Sold Out

Available from 1st October

Dad You're Fucking Fantastic Card

£1.00 £2.95

A funny birthday card with a photo of a smiling bearded old man in a blue and purple tracksuit pointing upwards to white and purple text that reads Happy birthday fuck nugget

Happy birthday fuck nugget Card

£2.95 (DMA 581)

A Christmas card with a 1960s picture of a miserable baby sat amongst presents in a little Santa outfit. He says Merry Christmas! Now where's my fucking present?

Where's my Christmas present Card

£2.95 (DMX 343)

Available from 1st October

Fabulous Everyday Card Pack of 10 Multipack For Girls

£12.50 (MUL 17)

You Are The Best Bellend Card

£2.95 (GUM 13)

Massive slutbag Card

£2.95 (DMU 206)

Blow Job You Promised Valentines Card

£2.95 (DMU 184)

Ungrateful Children Of Your Own Card

£2.95 (DMU 128)

Save 66%

Available from 1st October

Dick Prick Pecker Cock Schlong Knob Boner Card

£1.00 £2.95 (DMR 02)

A simple white Christmas card featuring bold black, red and green text in the middle that reads Fuck all inside this Christmas card

Fuck all inside this Card

£2.95 (RAN 109)

A card with a picture of a cat sitting up on an old fashioned arm chair

Available from 1st October

See This Cat - It Doesn't Give a Fuck About You Leaving (LARGE CARD)

£4.00 (DML 18)

A Fathers Day card calling Dad a fucking legend

Save 66%

Available from 1st October

Dad You're A Fucking Legend Card

£1.00 £2.95 (DAD 12)

A funny card featuring a retro picture of a wise bearded old man with his hands over a crystal ball in front of a rainbow background

I predict cock Card

£2.95 (DMA 580)

A Christmas card with a retro picture of a smiling young boy in a winter coat with a warm hat holding presents in front of a snowy background

Merry Christmas from your little shit boy Card

£2.95 (DMX 340)

A multipack for 6 Christmas cards in the shout! range.

Available from 1st October

Shout! Card Pack of 6 Multipack

£3.49 (MUL 50)

A birthday card with a retro picture of a smiling elderly gentleman in his toolshed

Not giving a fuck Card

£2.95 (DMA 515)

A white greeting card with a pattern of watercolour flowers at the bottom

Sorry If I Hurt Your Feelings Card

Available from 1st October

Christmas Twat In A Santa Hat Card

£1.00 £2.95 (DSX 11)

A Christmas card with a vintage picture of two model snowmen and candy canes

Save 83%

Available from 1st October

Merry Fucking Brexit Card

£0.50 £2.95 (DMX 235)

A birthday card with a 1960's picture of a smiling middle ages couple looking to camera

Arsehole with a Card

£2.95 (DMU 215)

Save 66%

Available from 1st October

Booty Call Valentines Card

£1.00 £2.95 (DMU 162)

I'm Baking You a Gluten Free Vegan Cake Card

£2.95 (DMU 111)

A card with a retro-style photo of a man and woman at an office computer

Available from 1st October

Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again (Large Card)

Available from 1st October

Dad Sorry For Being An Annoying Little Shit

£1.00 £2.95 (DAD 36)

A Christmas card with a retro picture of a smiling young girl in a winter coat with a short blonde hair holding presents in front of a blue background

Merry Christmas from your little shit girl Card

£2.95 (DMX 341)

Stupid twat August Card

£2.95 (RAN 62)

A large lilac card with the words Sorry your're leaving Piss off then

Available from 1st October

Sorry You're Leaving - Piss Off Then (Large Card)

£4.00 (DML 15)

A Massive dickhead July Card

£2.95 (RAN 61)

If This Card Offends You Card

£2.95 (GUM 28)

National Dickhead Awareness Day Card

£2.95 (GUM 11)

A Fathers Day card with a picture of a cool old guy in an floral shirt

Daddy Cool Card for Dad

£2.95 (DMA 438)

A plain white Christmas card with bold black, red and green text that reads Shit Christmas card perfect for an annoying brother

Annoying brother shit Card

£2.95 (RAN 126)

Sold Out

Available from 1st October

I'm such a dick Card for Mum

£1.00 £2.95

Suck My Cock Valentines Card

£2.95 (DMV 119)

A funny Fathers Day cards with a retro photo of a charming young lad

Little Shit Boy Card

£2.95 (DMA 391)

Enormous wankers September Card

£2.95 (RAN 63)

Available from 1st October

Fabulous Everyday Card Pack of 10 Multipack For Guys

£12.50 (MUL 09)

A Fathers Day card with a 1960s picture of a loving family

Sold Out

Available from 1st October

Piss Of Kids Card

£1.00 £2.95

A funny birthday card featuring a retro picture of a smart woman smiling to camera in a stylish top against a deep red background

Happy Birthday Slut Bag Card

£2.95 (DMA 592)

A Christmas card with a photograph of a smiling young man with glasses wearing a snowman themed Christmas jumper. White text above him that he's pointing to reads Christmas jumper wanker

Christmas jumper wanker Card

£2.95 (DMX 350)

Mahoosive twatwaffle November Card

£2.95 (RAN 65)

Mahoosive twatwaffle May Card

£2.95 (RAN 59)

Available from 1st October

Gumdrop Everyday Pack of 10 Multipack

£12.50 (MUL 25)

Silly Insults Card

£2.95 (GUM 36)

A funny Birthday card with a picture of thew retro woman mixing salad

Happy birthday tosser Card

£2.95 (DMA 451)

A funny white birthday card with a pie chart split into pink and a picture of a rainbow unicorn. The card asks Are you gay? with the options being Yes and Yes, and a magical fucking unicorn.

Are you gay Card

£2.95 (RAN 167)

A dark pink birthday card with the words Happy birthday you complete arse

Happy Birthday You Complete Arse Card

£2.95 (DSS 87)

A purple birthday card with the words Oi dick head! Now I’ve got your attention happy birthday

Oi Dickhead! Card

£2.95 (DSS 14)

Jizzed Over Your Romantic Dinner Valentines Card

£2.95 (DMA 414)

A funny birthday card with a 1960's photo of two men men leaning against a big tree looking away from each other. One says Dickhead and the other says Bellend

Dickhead Bellend Card

£2.95 (DMU 258)

A greeting card featuring a retro photo of a smiling young man in his graduation cap and gown. White text above and beside him reads Congratulations! You have a first class honours in being a dick

First class honours Card

£2.95 (DMA 536)

Enormous wankers February Card

£2.95 (RAN 56)

Save 83%

Available from 1st October

We Can't Celebrate Your Card

£0.50 £2.95 (RAN 21)

A plain white birthday card with bold black and blue text that reads Shit birthday card perfect for an annoying brother

Annoying brother Card

£2.95 (RAN 128)

Sorry For Being An Annoying Little Shit Card

£2.95 (MUM 35)

Available from 1st October

Cards With Fuck On Card Pack of 10 Multipack

£12.50 (MUL 11)

A dark pink card with the words So long farewell auf wiedersehen piss off!

Sold Out

Available from 1st October

So Long Farewell AufWiedersehen Piss Off (Large Card)

£4.00

Thanks for putting up with all of my shit Card

£2.95 (DAD 53)

A blue Christmas card with a 1970s picture of a festive floral scene featuring baubels, pine leaves and poinsettias

Save 66%

Available from 1st October

Merry Christmas arsehole Card

£1.00 £2.95 (DMX 320)

A funny illustrated birthday card based on spot the difference

Let's play spot the difference Card

£2.95 (RAN 177)

A funny birthday card featuring a 1960s picture of a smiling man in a suit against a deep blue background. White text reads Happy birthday cock face

Happy Birthday Cock Face Card

£2.95 (DMA 591)

A Christmas card with a cute picture of a model elf sitting on a sleigh within a snowy scene

Save 66%

Available from 1st October

Another Fucking Offensive Card

£1.00 £2.95 (DMX 255)

Massive dickheads January Card

£2.95 (RAN 55)

Pretty Fucking Gay Card

£2.95 (RAN 05)

Eye Spy With My Little Eye Card

£2.95 (GUM 14)

A funny Christmas Card with a 1960s picture of a woman dressed as an elf

I'm dreaming of shite Card

£2.95 (DMX 295)

Send Nudes Valentines Card

£2.95 (DMV 118)

A birthday card with a 1960s picture of a smiling man looking direct to camera. Above him in an angled white bar red and blue text reads World's best arsehole

World's Best Arsehole Card

Available from 1st October

Love you nosey cunt Valentines Card

£0.50 £2.95 (RAN 92)

Available from 1st October

Office Emergency Pack of 10 Multipack

£12.50 (MUL 23)

A greeting card with a 1970s picture of an authoritative man sitting at a desk

Save 66%

Available from 1st October

You're Not TikTok Famous Card

£1.00 £2.95 (DMA 431)

A Fathers Day card with text reading Dad I'm such a dick and yet you still love me

Dad I'm such a dick Card

All the fucks I give Card

£2.95 (DMU 275)

A white Valentine's Card featuring rounded red and pink text in the middle that reads I really fucking love you

I really fucking love you Valentines Card

£2.95 (DMV 141)

Rude Birthday cards from Dean Morris

If you‘re looking for something a little ruder from your cards then Dean, our in-house master of greeting card design, has catered for a range of tastes. He’s become a well-known name in the greeting card industry over the years, with an off-beat, naughty sense of humour.

We hope you enjoy our cards from the funny ones to the rudest, and we’d love to get your feedback, so remember to leave your comments next to the cards you buy and tell people what you think of them!