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Rude Cards & Offensive Birthday Cards

Some may say they’re offensive, but if you’re up for rude birthday cards, we think we have many of the best birthday cards you’ll find. Also don't forget that other C word, we have plenty of festive filth over in our rude Christmas card selection!

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Another year of dealing Card
£2.95 (DMA 520)
Some are born great Shakespeare Card
£2.95 (RAN 87)
Sold Out
Today Is All About You Girl Card
£2.95
To a Special C**t Card
£2.95 (DMA 283)
You know you're old Card
£2.95 (DMA 489)
See This Cat. It Doesn't Give A Fuck About Your Card
£2.95 (DMA 216)
Magnificent Bastard Card
£2.95 (DMA 455)
Fuck Off Santa Card
£2.95 (DMX 244)
Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again? Card
£2.95 (DMU 46)
Old Slapper Card
£2.95 (DMA 456)
Happy birthday to a total legend Card
£2.95 (DMA 568)
Let's go fuck some shit up Card
£2.95 (DMA 503)
I've Spotted Some Cock Card
£2.95 (DMU 180)
Happy Birthday You Big Cunt Card
£2.95 (DMA 295)
To a Special Cunt this Card
£2.95 (DMX 01)
Even Wankers Card
£2.95 (DMA 397)
And begins another year Card
£2.95 (DMA 552)
Happy birthday dickhead Card
£2.95 (DMU 216)
Up to my tits in gin Card
£2.95 (DMU 234)
Shut Up Liver You're Fine Card
£2.95 (DMA 339)
Shit Myself With Excitement Card
£2.95 (DMA 355)
Season of Goodwill Card
£2.95 (DMX 22)
Difference between dogs and cats Card
£2.95 (DMX 300)
Shit Himself Again Card
£2.95 (DMX 280)
Sold Out
Grown Into A Great Man Card
£2.95
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
Fuck You Cat Card
£1.00 £2.95 (DMA 319)
Sold Out
Merry Fucking Cunty Bollocks Card
£2.95
Word search Card
£2.95 (RAN 67)
Hope Your Birthday isn't Shit Card
£2.95 (GUM 10)
Happy wankybollocks Card
£2.95 (POP 05)
You're On The Cunt List Card
£2.95 (DMX 06)
You Old Cunt Card
£2.95 (GUM 35)
Swearing cats Card
£2.95 (DMU 241)
Sucking Santa Card
£2.95 (DMX 20)
Sold Out
When people say I'm rude Card
£2.95
The older I get Card
£2.95 (DMA 565)
It's beginning to look a lot like fuck this Card
£2.95 (DMX 327)
You're a Rude, Sarcastic, Evil Bitch Cards
£2.95 (DMU 121)
Newsflash! You're Old As Fuck Card
£2.95 (DMA 163)
Shit yourself Card
£2.95 (DMX 321)
I should enjoy Card
£2.95 (DMX 334)
I try not to swear Card
£2.95 (RAN 122)
Oh Look It's Card
£2.95 (DMX 269)
Have a Fucking Happy Fucking Birthday You Fucker Card
£2.95 (GUM 09)
Santa take a shit Card
£2.95 (RAN 148)
Blissfully free of Card
£2.95 (RAN 119)
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
I've Jizzed In Your Mince Pies Cards
£1.00 £2.95 (DMX 253)
Cunt alert Card
£2.95 (DMA 519)
8 out of 10 Cats Card
£2.95 (DMA 402)
Nosey Cunt Card
£2.95 (RAN 75)
You're a cunt list Card
£2.95 (DMX 345)
You're Also A Cunt Card
£2.95 (DMA 382)
Shittest card you'll get Card
£2.95 (RAN 118)
Santa Thinks You're a Cunt Card
£2.95 (DMX 03)
Too Much Wanking Card
£2.95 (DMX 137)
Oh Look! Card
£2.95 (DMA 551)
That look you give Card
£2.95 (DMX 311)
These are mine Card
£2.95 (DMX 302)
Magnificent bastard Card
£2.95 (DMX 325)
Santa's Coming Card
£2.95 (DMX 189)
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
Beer I Love You! Card
£1.00 £2.95 (DMA 240)
The problem with some people Card
£2.95 (DMA 577)
You've Finally Reached That Age Card
£2.95 (DMA 434)
Birthday name Card
£2.95 (RAN 73)
Rancid Old Queen Card
£2.95 (DMA 353)
Mostly gin Card
£2.95 (DMX 317)
Happy Birthday. Now Fuck Off Back To Economy Card
£2.95 (DMA 01)
Born to Be Wild Card
£2.95 (DMA 394)
Same Shit Card
£2.95 (DMX 270)
Difference Between Dogs and Cats Card
£2.95 (DMA 433)
Merry Christmas dickhead Card
£2.95 (DMX 329)
Favourite swear word Card
£2.95 (RAN 49)
You Vile Old Bitch Card
£2.95 (DMU 133)

Available from 10th September
Bubbles Card Pack of 10 Multipack
£12.50 (MUL 12)
Socially acceptable Card
£2.95 (DMA 471)
Sold Out
Age is Just a Number Card
£2.95
Your annual reminder Card
£2.95 (RAN 158)
Happy birthday bitch Card
£2.95 (DMA 558)

Available from 10th September
Offensive Card Pack of 10 Multipack
£12.50 (MUL 19)
I have your diagnosis Card
£2.95 (DMA 560)
One Year Older and Still a Dick Card
£2.95 (DMA 273)
A jet black card with the words ‘Congratulations I heard it was world fuckwit day #worldfuckwitday’ in capitalised, chunky pink, white and blue font.
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
World Fuckwit Day Card
£1.00 £2.95 (BOC 08)
A funny personalisable Christmas card featuring a picture of jolly Santa Claus in his workshop pointing to camera with white text above that reads Nothing for you - name - you're a cunt!
Personalise This Card

Nothing your you Card
£3.50 (WEB 18)
Fuck off Card
£2.95 (DMX 296)
I Love You You Big Cunt
£2.95 (DMA 374)
See This Cat. It Doesn't Give A Fuck About Your Card
£2.95 (DMX 213)
Finally A Card That Doesn't Have Card
£2.95 (DMU 44)
Woke up extra gay today Card
£2.95 (RAN 146)
Sold Out
Merry Cunting Card
£2.95
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
Massive Bellend Card
£1.00 £2.95 (DMU 211)

Available from 10th September
Santa Christmas Pack of 10 Multipack
£12.50 (MUL 26)
Happy Birthday Wank Face Card
£2.95 (DMA 554)
Shit The Bed! Card
£2.95 (DMA 384)
Take no shit Card
£2.95 (RAN 103)
Elf Name Card
£2.95 (RAN 45)
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
Unnecessarily offensive Santa Card
£1.00 £2.95 (DMX 298)
Queen of the fucking universe Card
£2.95 (DMA 566)
I've Wanked Off In This Card Card
£2.95 (GUM 33)
All About You Card
£2.95 (DMX 291)
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
Go Green! Fuck A Vegetarian Card
£1.00 £2.95 (DMA 60)
Sorry I'm too busy Card
£2.95 (RAN 143)
Kock out four wanks Card
£2.95 (RAN 171)
Pissed yourself yet Card
£2.95 (DMU 207)
Shove this Christmas card up your arse Card
£2.95 (RAN 151)
Save 83%

Available from 10th September
How many can you see Card
£0.50 £2.95 (RAN 91)
Good Luck And Don't Fuck It Up Card
£2.95 (DSS 80)
Even Wankers Deserve A Card
£2.95 (DMX 292)
Happy Birthday You Massive Cockwomble Card
£2.95 (DMA 274)
Happy birthday wank puffin Card
£2.95 (DMA 569)
Especially for stupid cunts Card
£2.95 (RAN 108)
Ache all the time Card
£2.95 (RAN 161)
Whose birthday is it Card
£2.95 (DMU 256)
You little shit Card
£2.95 (DMX 336)
People say this card is rude Card
£2.95 (DMA 570)
Fucking rudest birthday Card
£2.95 (RAN 157)
Shove this card up your arse Card
£2.95 (RAN 140)
Happy Birthday You Old Fucker Card
£2.95 (DMU 61)
You're A Twat Card
£2.95 (DMA 325)

Available from 10th September
Offensive Everyday Card Pack of 10 Multipack
£12.50 (MUL 22)

Available from 10th September
Cheeky Cards Pack of 10 Multipack
£12.50 (MUL 02)
Not you dickhead Card
£2.95 (DMX 312)
I couldn't give a fuck Card
£2.95 (DMU 246)
Dickhead Card
£2.95 (RAN 121)
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
I'm Baking You a Gluten Free Vegan Cake Card
£1.00 £2.95 (DMU 111)
Sold Out
Today is all about you Boy Card
£2.95
Save 75%

Available from 10th September
Wanking In A Winter Wonderland Card
£0.75 £2.95 (DSX 12)
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
Office wanker Card
£1.00 £2.95 (DMA 496)
Lovely nursing home Mothers Day Card
£2.95 (DMU 220)
Shit in my hands and clap Card
£2.95 (DMU 279)
Another year of being fabulous Card
£2.95 (RAN 168)
Hope Your Xmas Isn't Shit Card
£2.95 (RAN 38)
Little Shit Boy Mothers Day Card
£2.95 (DMA 387)
Jolly festive fuck you Card
£2.95 (RAN 125)
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
Let's Celebrate Another Day Without Wankers Card
£1.00 £2.95 (DMA 411)
My three favourite things Card
£2.95 (DBA 01)
Happy Birthday Slut Bag Card
£2.95 (DMA 592)
Like father like son Card
£2.95 (DMA 544)
From your little shit girl Card
£2.95 (DMA 491)
You're so old Card
£2.95 (RAN 116)
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
Dick Prick Pecker Cock Schlong Knob Boner Card
£1.00 £2.95 (DMR 02)
Huge twat Card
£2.95 (DMA 526)
Too much a Scrooge Card
£2.95 (RAN 149)
Sold Out
Satisfying shit Card
£2.95
Especially for stupid cunts Card
£2.95 (RAN 106)
Jingle Bollocks Card
£2.95 (DMX 277)
Merry whatever arsehole Card
£2.95 (DMX 339)
Sold Out
Let's take the stable Card
£2.95
Little Shit Girl Card
£2.95 (DMA 390)
A funny personalisable Christmas card featuring a picture of a smiling Santa Claus pointing upwards to jolly white text that reads Merry Christmas to the biggest dickhead in - town name
Personalise This Card

Merry Christmas to the biggest dickhead Card
£3.50 (WEB 25)
Not giving a fuck Card
£2.95 (DMA 515)
You old bastard Card
£2.95 (DMA 446)
Sold Out
My cock your arse Valentine's Day Card
£2.95
Festive fuckwit December Card
£2.95 (RAN 66)
Massive dick Card
£2.95 (RAN 120)
From your little shit boy Card
£2.95 (DMA 492)
Sold Out
Christmas kisses from Donald Card
£2.95
Fuck all inside Card
£2.95 (RAN 102)
You little shit Card
£2.95 (DMA 454)
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
Dad You're A Fucking Legend Card
£1.00 £2.95 (DAD 12)
I've done a big poo Card
£2.95 (POP 14)
Happy Birthday Wanker Card
£2.95 (DSS 28)
A funny personalisable Christmas card with a smiling photo of Father Christmas holding presents underneath a fancy font that Reads Merry fucking Christmas Name
Personalise This Card

Merry Fucking Card
£3.50 (WEB 35)
Happy birthday fuck nugget Card
£2.95 (DMA 581)
I predict cock Card
£2.95 (DMA 580)
What's for dinner Card
£2.95 (DMU 264)
Fuck all inside this Card
£2.95 (RAN 109)
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
I'm dreaming of shite Card
£1.00 £2.95 (DMX 295)
Fuck Bollocks Wank Arsehole Shit Baster Knob Tosser Card
£2.95 (DMR 01)
A funny personalisable Christmas card with a picture of an exhuasted looking Father Christmas looking to camera. White text above him reads Santa says - Name - Go fuck yourself!
Personalise This Card

Santa says go fuck yourself Card
£3.50 (WEB 28)
Sold Out
Annoying sister Shit Card
£2.95
Merry Christmas Wanker Rude
£2.95 (DMX 04)
Even Wankers Valentines Card
£2.95 (DMV 124)
Please don't be a twat Card
£2.95 (DMU 237)
Little Shit Girl Mothers Day Card
£2.95 (DMA 386)
Save 83%

Available from 10th September
Love you nosey cunt Valentines Card
£0.50 £2.95 (RAN 92)
Where's my Christmas present Card
£2.95 (DMX 343)
Checklist Card
£2.95 (RAN 115)

Available from 10th September
Fabulous Everyday Card Pack of 10 Multipack For Girls
£12.50 (MUL 17)
The older I get Card
£2.95 (DMA 472)
You're the fucker who's 60 Card
£2.95 (RAN 191)
Merry Christmas from your little shit girl Card
£2.95 (DMX 341)
Birthdays drive me up the wall Card
£2.95 (DMA 611)
Arsehole with a Card
£2.95 (DMU 215)
Ungrateful Children Of Your Own Card
£2.95 (DMU 128)
Wanking too much Card
£2.95 (RAN 193)

Available from 10th September
Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again (Large Card)
£4.00 (DML 20)
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
Dad Sorry For Being An Annoying Little Shit
£1.00 £2.95 (DAD 36)
A leopard print birthday card with bold white text that reads Happy birthday to a total slag
Website Exclusive
Total Slag Card
£3.50 (WEB 08)
Merry Christmas from your little shit boy Card
£2.95 (DMX 340)
Save 75%

Available from 10th September
Christmas Twat In A Santa Hat Card
£0.75 £2.95 (DSX 11)
Wake up and be fabulous Card
£2.95 (DPP 02)
A wise man once said Card
£2.95 (DMA 603)
Sorry If I Hurt Your Feelings Card
£2.95 (RAN 42)
Massive slutbag Card
£2.95 (DMU 206)
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
Just Let Me File This Card
£1.00 £2.95 (DMU 165)
You're the fucker who's 50 Card
£2.95 (RAN 190)
A funny personalisable dark blue birthday card with white, pink, blue and yellow text that reads Happy birthday to the biggest twat in...
Personalise This Card

Happy birthday to the biggest twat in Card
£3.50 (WEB 11)
A funny birthday card featuring a vintage kitsch illustration of two kittens
Website Exclusive
Cats are cunts Card
£3.50 (WEB 05)
A funny personalisable deep yellow birthday card with pink and blue text that reads Happy birthday - name - Here's to another year of not giving a single fuck
Personalise This Card

Another year of not giving a single fuck Card
£3.50 (WEB 14)
Happy Birthday Cock Face Card
£2.95 (DMA 591)
A multipack for 6 Christmas cards in the shout! range.

Available from 10th September
Shout! Card Pack of 6 Multipack
£3.49 (MUL 50)
Annoying sister Card
£2.95 (RAN 129)
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
Pretty Fucking Gay Card
£1.00 £2.95 (RAN 05)
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
Booty Call Valentines Card
£1.00 £2.95 (DMU 162)

Available from 10th September
See This Cat - It Doesn't Give a Fuck About You Leaving (LARGE CARD)
£4.00 (DML 18)
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
Miss You Like Fuck Card
£1.00 £2.95 (RAN 17)
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
Today's Forecast Card
£1.00 £2.95 (DMA 459)
You Are The Best Bellend Card
£2.95 (GUM 13)
Fuck Off Card
£2.95 (DMA 428)
Sold Out

Available from 10th September
Dad You're Fucking Fantastic Card
£1.00 £2.95
I love quiet birthdays Card
£2.95 (DPP 04)
I woke up extra early Card
£2.95 (DPP 01)
Potty mouth Card
£2.95 (DMA 600)
Stupid twat August Card
£2.95 (RAN 62)
If This Card Offends You Card
£2.95 (GUM 28)
Save 83%

Available from 10th September
Merry Fucking Brexit Card
£0.50 £2.95 (DMX 235)
Suck My Cock Valentines Card
£2.95 (DMV 119)
Little Shit Boy Card
£2.95 (DMA 391)
Christmas jumper wanker Card
£2.95 (DMX 350)
Happy birthday tosser Card
£2.95 (DMA 451)
I tried to be better person Card
£2.95 (DPP 03)
Happy Birthday fuck face Card
£2.95 (RAN 195)
Let's play spot the difference Card
£2.95 (RAN 177)
A Massive dickhead July Card
£2.95 (RAN 61)

Available from 10th September
Sorry You're Leaving - Piss Off Then (Large Card)
£4.00 (DML 15)
A bold and irreverent Valentine’s card set on a deep black background, with oversized red and white text shouting your declaration: “I fucking love you name”
Personalise This Card

I fucking love you Card
£3.50 (WEB 45)
Merry Christmas to a total legend Card
£2.95 (DMX 357)
Merry Christmas wank face Card
£2.95 (DMX 354)
Are you gay Card
£2.95 (RAN 167)
Mahoosive twatwaffle November Card
£2.95 (RAN 65)
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
Happy Birthday You Complete Arse Card
£1.00 £2.95 (DSS 87)
Daddy Cool Card for Dad
£2.95 (DMA 438)
Save 66%

Available from 10th September
Do epic shit Card
£1.00 £2.95 (POP 16)
Merry fuck you Card
£2.95 (DMX 353)
Enormous wankers September Card
£2.95 (RAN 63)

Available from 10th September
Fabulous Everyday Card Pack of 10 Multipack For Guys
£12.50 (MUL 09)
Oi Dickhead! Card
£2.95 (DSS 14)
Dickhead Bellend Card
£2.95 (DMU 258)

Available from 10th September
Cards With Fuck On Card Pack of 10 Multipack
£12.50 (MUL 11)
Silly Insults Card
£2.95 (GUM 36)
Like Father Like Son Card
£2.95 (DAD 48)
Putrid old slag bag Card
£2.95 (DMU 283)
All the fucks I give Card
£2.95 (DMU 275)
Mahoosive twatwaffle May Card
£2.95 (RAN 59)
Annoying brother shit Card
£2.95 (RAN 126)
On your marks Card
£2.95 (DMA 620)
A funny personalisable birthday card with a funny picture of a man in a 1990s shell suit walking against a blue background. White bold text in front of him reads Name - You're a twat
Personalise This Card

Personalised You're a twat Card
£3.50 (WEB 26)
Massive dickheads January Card
£2.95 (RAN 55)
Annoying brother Card
£2.95 (RAN 128)
Jizzed Over Your Romantic Dinner Valentines Card
£2.95 (DMA 414)
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Rude Birthday cards from Dean Morris

If you‘re looking for something a little ruder from your cards then Dean, our in-house master of greeting card design, has catered for a range of tastes. He’s become a well-known name in the greeting card industry over the years, with an off-beat, naughty sense of humour.

We hope you enjoy our cards from the funny ones to the rudest, and we’d love to get your feedback, so remember to leave your comments next to the cards you buy and tell people what you think of them!