PLEASE NOTE: ONLY FULL PRICE CARDS ARE AVAILABLE. ALL GIFTS AND SALE CARDS ARE BACK IN STOCK ON THE 21st JUNE

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We love pens! Who wants to work in a paperless office and one without funny pens? You wouldn't be able to tell people what you are thinking when they try to steal yours, for a start! But now our collection of rude pens has the perfect choice for you. Have fun!

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Pink and blue and purple text on one side reads Fuck fuck fuckity fuck

Available from 21st June

Fuck Fuck Fuckity Fuck Pen

£3.50 (PEN 12)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Text on one side reads No cunts today please

Available from 21st June

No Cunts Today Please Pen

£3.50 (PEN 49)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Red text on one side reads Off you fuck!

Available from 21st June

Off you fuck Pen

£3.50 (PEN 62)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Text on one side reads Wake up be fabulous repeat

Available from 21st June

Wake Up Be Fabulous Repeat Pen

£3.50 (PEN 26)

A white ballpoint pen with a dark red grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads I've stuck this pen up my bum

Available from 21st June

Stuck This Pen Up My Bum Pen

£3.50 (PEN 16)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads I've stuck this pen up my fanny

Available from 21st June

Stuck this pen up my fanny Pen

£3.50 (PEN 61)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Purple text on one side reads I cunt spell

Available from 21st June

I Cunt Spell Pen

£3.50 (PEN 38)

A white ballpoint pen with a green grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads Crazy cat lady

Available from 21st June

Crazy Cat Lady Pen

£3.50 (PEN 04)

A white ballpoint pen with a yellow grip and black ink. Curvy pale yellow text with a black outline reads Filthy cum slut

Available from 21st June

Filthy Cum Slut Pen

£3.50 (PEN 54)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Bold black text reads Full time cunt

Available from 21st June

Full time cunt Pen

£3.50 (PEN 74)

A white ballpoint pen with text on one side reads Don't steal my fucking pen!

Available from 21st June

Don't Steal My Fucking Pen Pen

£3.50 (PEN 02)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads Piss off, I'm busy!

Available from 21st June

Piss Off, I'm Busy Pen

£3.50 (PEN 34)

A white ballpoint pen with an orange grip and black ink. Brown text on one side reads I need a poo!

Available from 21st June

I Need A Poo! Pen

£3.50 (PEN 14)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Red text on one side reads I work with idiots

Available from 21st June

I Work With Idiots Pen

£3.50 (PEN 28)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads I love cock

Available from 21st June

I Love Cock Pen

£3.50 (PEN 18)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Purple text on one side reads Zero fucks given

Available from 21st June

Zero Fucks Given Pen

£3.50 (PEN 20)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Rainbow text on one side reads My fucking pen

Available from 21st June

My Fucking Pen Pen

£3.50 (PEN 40)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads Winging it!

Available from 21st June

Winging It! Pen

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads Fuck this shit!

Available from 21st June

Fuck This Shit Pen

£3.50 (PEN 24)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Slanted pink bold text with a black outline reads total slag

Available from 21st June

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Black and pink text reads I'm craving dick

Available from 21st June

I'm craving dick Pen

£3.50 (PEN 75)

A white ballpoint pen with a white grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads I hate everyone

Available from 21st June

I Hate Everyone Pen

£3.50 (PEN 35)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink

Available from 21st June

Everyone Thinks You're A Cunt Pen

£3.50 (PEN 07)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Black text reads I try not to swear but I cunt

Available from 21st June

I try not to swear Pen

£3.50 (PEN 79)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Bold black text on one side reads I love (heart symbol) my dog

Available from 21st June

I love my dog Pen

£3.50 (PEN 64)

A white ballpoint pen with a dark blue grip and black ink

Available from 21st June

Today Is A Lovely Day For You To Fuck Off Pen

£3.50 (PEN 11)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Black rounded text reads Fresh out of fucks

Available from 21st June

Fresh out of fucks Pen

£3.50 (PEN 89)

A white ballpoint pen with a orange grip and black ink. Rounded bold black text reads I love anal

Available from 21st June

I love anal Pen

£3.50 (PEN 71)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads Bored of this meeting

Available from 21st June

Bored Of This Meeting Pen

£3.50 (PEN 21)

A white ballpoint pen with a dark blue grip and black ink. Black typewriter text reads Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Available from 21st June

Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again Pen

£3.50 (PEN 06)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Pink text on one side reads Prosecco princess

Available from 21st June

Prosecco Princess Pen

£3.50 (PEN 03)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink

Available from 21st June

I Don't Have An Attitude Problem Pen

£3.50 (PEN 01)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads I love wanking

Available from 21st June

I Love Wanking Pen

£3.50 (PEN 43)

A white ballpoint pen with a blue grip and black ink. Text on one side reads I've just had an epic poo

Available from 21st June

I've Just Had An Epic Poo Pen

£3.50 (PEN 29)

A white ballpoint pen with a dark red grip and black ink. Red text on one side reads Everyone can fuck right off

Available from 21st June

Everyone Can Fuck Right Off Pen

£3.50 (PEN 19)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Rainbow text reads I shit rainbows.

Available from 21st June

I Shit Rainbows Pen

£3.50 (PEN 08)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Bold purple text one side Best employee ever!

Available from 21st June

Best employee ever! Pen

£3.50 (PEN 72)

A white ballpoint pen with a orange grip and black ink. Black curvy text on one side reads Hands up who farted

Available from 21st June

Hands up who farted Pen

£3.50 (PEN 60)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Purple text on one side reads Not a morning person

Available from 21st June

Not A Morning Person Pen

£3.50 (PEN 36)

A white ballpoint pen with a yellow grip and black ink. Text on one side reads Fuck off

Available from 21st June

£3.50 (PEN 30)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink

Available from 21st June

Today's Mood Pen

£3.50 (PEN 25)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Text on the side reads I love my cats

Available from 21st June

I Love My Cats Pen

£3.50 (PEN 23)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. black text on one side reads Huge Bellend

Available from 21st June

Huge Bellend Pen

£3.50 (PEN 13)

&lt;p&gt; A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black and red text reads Cunt alert!

Available from 21st June

£3.50 (PEN 87)

A white ballpoint pen with a blue grip and black ink. Blue and pink text reads I need wine

Available from 21st June

I need wine Pen

£3.50 (PEN 83)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black text reads Fuck off back to economy

Available from 21st June

Fuck off back to economy Pen

£3.50 (PEN 81)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Alternating deep red and blue text reads Fuck this, fuck that, fuck you, fuck off

Available from 21st June

Fuck this Fuck that Pen

£3.50 (PEN 70)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Straight bold black uppercase text reads Sick of this shit

Available from 21st June

Sick of this shit Pen

£3.50 (PEN 69)

A white ballpoint pen with a green grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads I'm weird, deal with it!

Available from 21st June

I'm Weird Deal With It Pen

£3.50 (PEN 39)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip. Black text reads Cunty bollocks

Available from 21st June

Cunty Bollocks Pen

£3.50 (PEN 17)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Black curvy text on one side reads Pen clicking cunt

Available from 21st June

Pen Clicking Cunt Pen

£3.50 (PEN 59)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Slanted rainbow text reads Yasss Queen

Available from 21st June

Yasss Queen LGBTQ+ Pen

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Black text reads Could have been an email

Available from 21st June

Could have been an email Pen

£3.50 (PEN 84)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Bold black and red capital letters read I hate people

Available from 21st June

I hate people Pen

£3.50 (PEN 58)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Rainbow text on one side reads Big Gay Pen

Available from 21st June

Big Gay Pen Pen

£3.50 (PEN 45)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black text that reads Not dead yet

Available from 21st June

Not dead yet Pen

£3.50 (PEN 85)

A white ballpoint pen with a blue grip and black ink. Bold blue and pink text reads I hate everyone

Available from 21st June

I hate everyone Pen

£3.50 (PEN 73)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Bold rounded black uppercase text along one side reads I take no shit

Available from 21st June

I take no shit Pen

£3.50 (PEN 65)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Text on one side reads What can I fuck up today?

Available from 21st June

What Can I Fuck Up Today? Pen

£3.50 (PEN 27)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Black and brown text reads I always poo on work time

Available from 21st June

I always poo on work time Pen

£3.50 (PEN 88)

A white ballpoint pen with a blue grip and black ink. Text on one side reads Alexa, send wine!

Available from 21st June

Alexa, Send Wine Pen

£3.50 (PEN 32)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black ands red text reads Best boss ever

Available from 21st June

Best boss ever Pen

£3.50 (PEN 80)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black text reads Today is a lovely day to stay the fuck out of my way

Available from 21st June

Today is a lovely day Pen

£3.50 (PEN 78)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads TikTok Twat

Available from 21st June

TikTok Twat Pen

£3.50 (PEN 47)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Bold rounded black uppercase text along one side reads I give no fucks

Available from 21st June

I give no fucks Pen

£3.50 (PEN 66)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Red text on one side reads Office bitch

Available from 21st June

Office Bitch Pen

£3.50 (PEN 63)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads Do epic shit!

Available from 21st June

Do Epic Shit Pen

£3.50 (PEN 51)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Text reads Warning! This pen is fucking rude

Available from 21st June

Warning! This Pen Is Fucking Pen

£3.50 (PEN 33)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink

Available from 21st June

£3.50 (PEN 15)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads Office wanker.

Available from 21st June

Office Wanker Pen

£3.50 (PEN 10)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. White text in a red box reads Proud to be Woke

Available from 21st June

Proud to be woke Pen

£3.50 (PEN 91)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Black text reads I'd rather be hiking

Available from 21st June

I'd rather be hiking Pen

£3.50 (PEN 86)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Capitalised red and deep blue text along one side reads World's best arsehole

Available from 21st June

World's best arsehole Pen

£3.50 (PEN 67)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Rainbow text on one side reads Have a nice gay

Available from 21st June

Have A Nice Gay Pen

£3.50 (PEN 50)

A white ballpoint pen with a dark blue grip and black ink

Available from 21st June

Don't Blame Me I Voted Remain Pen

£3.50 (PEN 09)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black and red text reads I love (heart) gay

Available from 21st June

£3.50 (PEN 90)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Black text reads Bored as fuck

Available from 21st June

Bored as fuck Pen

£3.50 (PEN 76)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Slanted purple and pink text reads Wake up Alcohol Repeat

Available from 21st June

Wake up Alcohol Repeat Pen

£3.50 (PEN 56)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Red text on one side reads Stay the fuck away

Available from 21st June

Stay The Fuck Away Pen

£3.50 (PEN 52)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads I hate my boss

Available from 21st June

I Hate My Boss Pen

£3.50 (PEN 46)

A white ballpoint pen with a blue grip and black ink. Text on one side reads Needy attention sponge.

Available from 21st June

Needy Attention Sponge Pen

£3.50 (PEN 44)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Red and black text on one side reads Being a useless tosser is all part of my charm

Available from 21st June

Being A Useless Tosser Pen

£3.50 (PEN 31)

A white ballpoint pen with a blue grip and black ink. Black and red text reads The problem with some people is they're cunts

Available from 21st June

The problem with some people Pen

£3.50 (PEN 95)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Red text reads Penny McPenface

Available from 21st June

Penny Mcpenface Pen

£3.50 (PEN 94)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black and red text reads I hate work

Available from 21st June

I hate work Pen

£3.50 (PEN 93)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Black text reads Overworked and underpaid

Available from 21st June

Overworked and underpaid Pen

£3.50 (PEN 92)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Rainbow coloured text reads Love is love

Available from 21st June

Love is love Pen

£3.50 (PEN 77)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Lower case text reads Have you had your wank today?

Available from 21st June

Have you had your wank today Pen

£3.50 (PEN 57)

A white ballpoint pen with a green grip and black ink

Available from 21st June

Did I Tell You I Was Vegan Pen

£3.50 (PEN 22)

3 FOR 2 ON ALL PENS!! - Discount will be applied at checkout

We love pens! Who wants to work in a paperless office and one without funny pens? You wouldn't be able to tell people what you are thinking when they try to steal yours, for a start! But now our collection of rude pens has the perfect choice for you. Have fun!

Of course, you can find some of our signature rude and some may say offensive phrases on these, but we have also some lovely ones. They are also like little Pokemon ... gotta collect them all. They look perfect on your desk or kitchen table in a little pen pot all cute and sweary ready to surprise an unsuspecting visitor.