{"title":"Range - Poison Pearls","description":"","products":[{"product_id":"i-woke-up-extra-early-card-4291","title":"I woke up extra early Card","description":"While some people rise early to seize the day, others have slightly different priorities. This card celebrates commitment, dedication, and the sort of self-awareness that comes from knowing exactly who you are before breakfast.\n\nPerfect for anyone who treats being difficult as a full-time hobby.\n\n\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\n\nA funny greeting card featuring a glamorous woman wearing a luxurious white fur coat and sparkling jewellery. She glances back with a mischievous smile while standing outdoors at sunrise in a suburban neighbourhood. Bold dark blue text beside her reads “I woke up extra early today so I have more time to be a cunt”.\n\n","brand":"Dean Morris Cards","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":57315593748853,"sku":"DPP 01","price":2.95,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0633\/6236\/7723\/files\/DPP-01.jpg?v=1782378555"},{"product_id":"wake-up-and-be-fabulous-card-4292","title":"Wake up and be fabulous Card","description":"Life is full of choices. Some people choose kindness, grace, and effortless glamour. Others wake up and immediately choose chaos. This card celebrates both options without passing judgement.\n\nPerfect for anyone who likes their life advice served with a side of sass.\n\n\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\n\nA funny greeting card featuring a stylish woman posed against a pale pink background, wearing an elegant black cocktail dress with matching gloves and heels. She stands confidently with a poised expression in a classic mid-century fashion style. Bold white text beside her reads “Wake up and be fabulous or just be a cunt it’s your choice”.\n\n","brand":"Dean Morris Cards","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":57315594273141,"sku":"DPP 02","price":2.95,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0633\/6236\/7723\/files\/DPP-02.jpg?v=1782378570"},{"product_id":"i-tried-to-be-better-person-card-4293","title":"I tried to be better person Card","description":"Self-improvement sounded like a great idea at the time. Then reality set in. This card celebrates the moment many people secretly understand — giving personal growth a chance before deciding it simply wasn’t worth the effort.\n\nPerfect for anyone who embraces their flaws and has absolutely no intention of changing.\n\n\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\n\nA funny greeting card featuring a glamorous woman in a sparkling pink evening dress, looking over her shoulder with a knowing smile. She wears elegant drop earrings and is posed against a bold purple background. Large white text beside her reads “I tried to be a better person I hated it so it’s back to being a cunt”.\n\n","brand":"Dean Morris Cards","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":57315594797429,"sku":"DPP 03","price":2.95,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0633\/6236\/7723\/files\/DPP-03.jpg?v=1782378585"},{"product_id":"i-love-quiet-birthdays-card-4294","title":"I love quiet birthdays Card","description":"Forget the big parties, complicated plans, and endless social obligations. This birthday card celebrates the dream scenario: a peaceful day, a decent drink, and as little interaction with annoying people as possible.\n\nPerfect for anyone who believes birthdays should be relaxing, civilised, and carefully managed.\n\n\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\n\nA funny greeting card featuring a glamorous woman wearing an elegant black dress, pearl jewellery, and a white fur stole. She holds a martini glass garnished with olives and smiles knowingly at the viewer. The background is a rich pink gradient. Large white text beside her reads “I love a quiet birthday low stress minimal cunts”.\n\n","brand":"Dean Morris Cards","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":57315595288949,"sku":"DPP 04","price":2.95,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0633\/6236\/7723\/files\/DPP-04.jpg?v=1782378600"},{"product_id":"self-care-with-olives-card-4295","title":"Self care with olives Card","description":"Some people meditate. Some take long walks. Some pour themselves a perfectly chilled martini and call it personal development. This card celebrates the little rituals that keep life balanced and spirits suitably lifted.\n\nPerfect for anyone whose wellness journey comes garnished with olives.\n\n\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\n\nA funny greeting card featuring a glamorous woman with a dramatic beehive hairstyle, wearing a pink floral evening dress and sparkling earrings. She holds a martini glass containing olives while posing against a bold purple background. White and lime-green text beside her reads “Self care with olives”.\n\n","brand":"Dean Morris Cards","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":57315595813237,"sku":"DPP 05","price":2.95,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0633\/6236\/7723\/files\/DPP-05.jpg?v=1782378615"},{"product_id":"you-dont-look-a-day-over-knackered-card-4296","title":"You don't look a day over knackered Card","description":"Age is just a number. Exhaustion, on the other hand, is impossible to hide. This birthday card skips the usual flattery and goes straight for the truth, delivering a compliment that feels suspiciously accurate.\n\nPerfect for anyone who's ageing brilliantly while running almost entirely on caffeine and determination.\n\n\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\n\nA funny greeting card featuring a glamorous woman in a classic black cocktail dress with long black gloves and sparkling jewellery. She poses confidently against a vibrant pink background while holding a clutch bag. Large white text above her reads “You don’t look a day over absolutely knackered”.\n\n","brand":"Dean Morris Cards","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":57315596239221,"sku":"DPP 06","price":2.95,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0633\/6236\/7723\/files\/DPP-06.jpg?v=1782378629"},{"product_id":"i-fancied-some-sunshine-card-4297","title":"I fancied some sunshine Card","description":"Gift shopping is all about priorities. This birthday card celebrates the difficult choices in life, like whether to spend money on presents or enjoy yourself instead. Some decisions practically make themselves.\n\nPerfect for anyone who appreciates honesty, sunshine, and managing expectations from the start.\n\n\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\n\nA funny greeting card featuring a glamorous woman wearing dark sunglasses, pearl jewellery, and a cream sleeveless dress. She relaxes beside a stylish poolside setting with palm trees and modern architecture in the background. Bold dark blue text beside her reads “I was going to buy you a birthday present, but then I fancied some sunshine”.\n\n","brand":"Dean Morris Cards","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":57315596796277,"sku":"DPP 07","price":2.95,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0633\/6236\/7723\/files\/DPP-07.jpg?v=1782378645"},{"product_id":"my-cat-thinks-youre-a-cunt-card-4298","title":"My cat thinks you're a cunt Card","description":"People say cats are famously excellent judges of character. They’re observant, uncompromising, and rarely wrong. This card lets a furry third party deliver the verdict, leaving you completely innocent in the matter.\n\nPerfect for cat lovers, mischief-makers, and anyone who appreciates an insult with a touch of elegance.\n\n\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\n\nA funny greeting card featuring a glamorous woman reclining on an elegant chaise longue while holding a martini garnished with olives. She wears a sparkling evening gown and jewellery, and cradles a fluffy white cat with a jeweled collar. The pair pose against a rich red background. Large white text beside them reads “My cat thinks you’re a cunt”.\n\n","brand":"Dean Morris Cards","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":57315597386101,"sku":"DPP 08","price":2.95,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0633\/6236\/7723\/files\/DPP-08.jpg?v=1782378660"},{"product_id":"i-love-a-quiet-christmas-card-4299","title":"I love a quiet Card","description":"Christmas is supposed to be a season of peace, goodwill, and spending time with loved ones. This card focuses mainly on the peace part, with a sensible plan for keeping festive chaos to an absolute minimum.\n\nPerfect for anyone whose ideal Christmas involves a strong martini, a comfy chair, and a carefully curated guest list.\n\n\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\n\nA funny Christmas greeting card featuring a glamorous woman wearing an elegant black evening dress, pearl jewellery, and a white fur stole decorated with a festive holly brooch. She holds a martini garnished with olives and smiles knowingly at the viewer. A softly blurred Christmas tree glows in the background against a rich pink festive setting. Large white text beside her reads “I love a quiet Christmas low stress minimal cunts”.\n\n","brand":"Dean Morris Cards","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":57315597844853,"sku":"DPP 09","price":2.95,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0633\/6236\/7723\/files\/DPP-09.jpg?v=1782378676"},{"product_id":"i-know-a-cunt-when-i-see-one-card-4290","title":"I know a cunt when I see one Card","description":"\u003cp\u003e\n\nSome people spot red flags. Others recognise something much more familiar. This card delivers a perfectly timed insult with confidence, style, and just enough self-awareness to make everyone slightly uncomfortable.\n\nPerfect for friends who appreciate sharp wit, strong opinions, and the occasional moment of brutal honesty.\n\n\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\n\nA funny greeting card featuring a glamorous middle-aged woman reclining in a chair while holding a martini glass garnished with olives. She wears a pink cocktail dress, pearl jewellery, and a knowing smile. The scene is set in a stylish mid-century interior. Bold white text beside her reads “I know a cunt when I see one”.\n\n\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dean Morris Cards","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":57315598401909,"sku":"DPP 10","price":2.95,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0633\/6236\/7723\/files\/DPP-10.jpg?v=1782378689"}],"url":"https:\/\/deanmorriscards.co.uk\/collections\/range-poison-pearls.oembed","provider":"Dean Morris Cards","version":"1.0","type":"link"}